Intercepted Document of Uncertain Origin

From the Alternate History Series

News Release
OlyPen PIFWire:

This document, found shoved under the PIF’s electronic doorstep as it were, seems to have been written sometime in the late 80’s. It was apparently translated by someone, but neither the name of the translator nor the writer was mentioned. We have not edited it in any way, and present it just as we found it…

The Document – as found:

Fellow Comrades, we have some ambitions which we all agree on and have a large historical imperative for all of us.

We agree that while we have both a huge manpower supply and the largest standing army in the world, these alone are insufficient both in terms of equipment and global strategic positioning to achieve our ends.

We also agree that both political and boarder differences with our neighbor to the West must be resolved, allowing our major military forces to be repositioned to the South. Operations to reformulate a mutual military treaty with this Bear are currently proceeding apace, and will be enumerated at a later date, but we project this to come to a successful fruition by 1997-1998.

We all also agree that because of certain errors in the recent past, we find our selves unable to finance our ambitions, and further that there is no way we can achieve these aims in our life times, unless we look outside of our country for financial aid.

But we are not beggars, and we do not, we agree, want the rest of the world to take notice, to any great degree, of what we are doing strategically and militarily.

According the following plan is presented for your approval:

We have identified the largest cash cow – who could miss it?

Next, we find some politician who we can influence. This individual, or better yet, individuals should already hold or be in a position to win an election of importance, such as a state governor.

Preferably this governor would be from an area which does not get much attention from the cash cow’s national press. Thus little or no investigations by the media, into where the finances are coming from, will take place.

Our operatives have identified certain individuals, one in particular, who seem most conducive to the offers by our surrogates, and better yet, are either too nieve to understand the implications of their actions or actually believe in some of our ambitions. Since this individual needs large amounts cash to become elected, he seems most willing to accept our surrogates’ cash advances.

Then we continue to finance his career, until, if we are successful on this front, he becomes the leader of the cash cow. A small fund has been fronted by one of our more affluent members, in the hope of not only being reimbursed, but also of achieving greater profits.

Since their elections are becoming more and more expensive each year to run and hold, we finance more politicians, until the entire election system is dependent on our contributions.

Where does this money come from? Not from us, we all agree, but from them.


We sell them things they want at a very cheap price, made in our reeducation camps, however, we ensure what they sell us is constrained using tariffs or a similar ploy, thereby creating a cash flow in our favor.

We then use this cash to build up our military and global military presence.

Currently, we project a net profit of about five billion a month within 8 to 10 years; some small part will go to keep the process rolling; another part will go in the pockets of the necessary surrogates and our own, of course, the rest, the bulk, will go for military R&D, expansion and modernization.

We will play on the cash cow’s penchant for lazy thinking and internal bickering over meaningless social issues, to create a climate that encourages not only a breakdown of internal courage and value structures, but also actively encourages the demoralization of its military and it’s disarmament.

We will encourage the placement of individuals within their educational system who will guide the focus of education way from critical thinking, history, mathematics and other scholarly disciplines, towards social issues and ‘feeling good’. This will ensure that the masses are “dumbed down”, allowing our political and media surrogates to continue with the rest of this operation unnoticed by the young, who, idolizing the famous and wealthy, will be more concerned about acquiring wealth and social issues, than about our plans and strategies.

These youth of their future will be bearly able to read, unable to count without the aid of a calculator, unfamiliar with even local geography, have great trouble even speaking in any coherent manner, not even recognize English as their national language. At this point it will be a simple matter for them to be manipulated by their leaders and media in any direction our surrogates choose.

The divide and conquer part of our strategy can be implemented at this point. We will identify various potential groups and work the politicians and the media toward isolating each, while simultaneously, promising each it’s heart’s desire. Of course, this will mean greater regulation, which if done over a long period, will lead to acceptance by the masses and, eventually, they will learn to welcome each new restriction on their ill-conceived democracy and meaningless freedoms.

We currently estimate, that with the beginning of the technological revolution just around the corner, the cash cow’s industries will be unable to find enough young workers who have any higher education, thereby necessitating importation of foreign labor from countries such as our own and our neighbor to the South – with whom we are formulating a mutual defense treaty. The likelihood of placing our operatives in strategic positions is thereby reinforced. We project direct control over at least 6,000 corporations doing business within the cash cow’s boarders by late ’98.

Simultaneously, the lower paid jobs, now disdained by the youth in search of wealth, will go to laborers crossing illegally into the cash cow from the South. This will create a condition for young adults which isolates them from meaningful work, and keeps them forever in the pursuit of wealth they can rarely acquire. Instead of working one job, they will be forced to work many jobs just to afford shelter; this also helps to keep them distracted and focused solely on their issues, wants and needs. Our agendas go unnoticed, as it should be.

Meanwhile our operative network, which has been in place since the end of the Korean fiasco in the 50’s, has established itself to the point that we can begin to bring out the cash cow’s military technology and most importantly, it’s orders of battle, and nuclear technology. Once this process has begun, nothing can stop it.

Why? Because thru our extensive penetration of both their higher political leadership and media, we will have identified and promoted individuals who sympathize with our goals. Thus both the higher leadership and the media will eventually only do as our surrogates instruct.

The mass of the cash cow’s adult population will be too busy ‘shopping till they drop,’ watching decadent sporting extravaganzas, snoring on the couch, watching their stock portfolios, retirement and old age pensions grow, to take notice, or even care what their governors do or do not do, as long as the major media is under our ultimate influence and control.

To this end we will take special care that our fellow travelers in the media ignore certain stories or events which are bound to happen, and if they must take notice, to either under report, mis-report, or downplay, never asking any hard questions of their governors, when interviewed.

These tactics will ensure the populace continues to reelect those individuals which favor our interests, regardless of their public political views.

We also project, since this is a fairly long term strategy using our new political influence, we will be able to gain direct access to their military facilities, briefings by their top military leaders on the way their military functions in conflicts, tours of their most important installations, over flights to photograph these same facilities and, access to otherwise restricted plans and operations. This will give our military the latest hand-on experience in how our number one enemy would conduct operations against us and, ensure this information is up-to-date.

Since our military will know their strengths and weaknesses, we will be better able to plan which battlefield tactics can be used to our best advantage, while developing weapons – using their technology – for which they have no defense; in this regard, I would point to our successful testing, developing and deployment of the neutron bomb; a technology they developed, but never tested, and for which they have no defense.

Since the cash cow in question is and will become ever more dependent on our cash, we can exact certain concessions from them, like seaports, especially militarily critical ones, like the Panama Canal, which we project should be ours by the year 2000. We anticipate placing 200,000 ‘workers’ in Panama by this date or earlier. This of course will give us the necessary advance support as well as form the basis of our Southern Strike Group.

Since their leader will be in our pocket, we can be assured he will make soothing pronouncements like:

"I think (they) will in fact be bending over backwards to make sure that they run it in a competent and able and fair manner…"


"They’ll want to demonstrate to a distant part of the world that they can be a responsible partner. And I would be very surprised if any adverse consequences flowed from (them) running the canal."

Even these admissions, which will satisfy the mildly curious, will either be downplayed by the media or a big event of our arranging will bury these words on the back pages.

Having achieved these goals, we can then proceed to ring the cash cow with enough of our military forces to coerce them to continue to supply us with money, even if at some point they do notice, it will be too late, and there will be nothing they can do, or we will simply obliterate them.

If it does prove necessary to obliterate them, our losses, in a worse case scenario, would be largely insignificant, only numbering on the order of 500 million or so. Further, discussions are under way with some of our erstwhile partners on the South Coast to conduct trial runs using disposable old ships to transport of large numbers of to the cash cow’s North West and Eastern Coasts and, importantly to it’s Northern neighbor’s West Coast, since the boarders are lightly patrolled and easily infiltrated to the South.

Early discussions have assured we will be able to include a number of our sleeper operatives among those hapless other individuals. Also, any of you wishing to participate, can be assured of a steady cash flow as the price per individual is set at 20-30 thousand per individual. This operation will allow us to judge the feasibility of cheaply transporting some of our remaining population to the cash cow, after we have obliterated it, using our neutron weapons.

A few of you are wondering about the possibility of this document finding its way into the hands of foreign journalist or a spy’s hands; be reassured, if that should happen, no one in the country of cash will read it or, reading it, believe it, because as they are being carefully educated not to believe in conspiracies, even by other governments.

At this point we can now turn our attentions to matters that we have agreed are in our interests, Then, without any repercussions, we will have ringed the cash cow with our forces, lead them to disarm their military as well as their civilians, and be able to force them to supply us with the cash to continue and further our ambitions as set forth by our revered and glorious leader, Mao-Tse Tsung.
–PIF -12/1/99

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