The Obama Miracle

Recounting Obama’s Amazing Accomplishments
To June 1st, 2009

  1. Eliminated some of the largest stock trading companies;
  2. Took over the US’s largest banks;
  3. Took over the insurance industry;
    • Owns AIG;
    • Owns CitiGroup;
  4. Dictated lending terms to credit companies;
    • Owns Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae;
  5. Took over the auto industry;
    • Owns General Motors;
    • Dictated auto fuel efficiency standards;
    • Declares “What I have no interest in doing is running GM”;
    • Fires GM’s CEO and sets ad budget;
  6. Made nice with Iran;
  7. Bows deeply to the Saudi King – the titular head of the Sunni muslim world (in which tradition Obama was raised);
  8. Made nice speeches to the Arab and Muslim world;
    • Tours the Muslim World: beginning in Saudia Arabia naturally, next Egypt, and then moving on the other 55 states;
  9. Made nice with Hugo Chevez;
  10. Made nice with Daniel Ortega;
  11. Made nice with Cuba;
  12. Ignores North Korea’s multiple missile launches and the exploding of a second nuclear weapon;
  13. Ignores Iran’s test launch of a solid fuel super acrurate missile with 1200 mile range;
  14. Created a White House TV network for those special ocassions when the usual media suspects just won’t do;
  15. Preparing to buy California, New York and New Jersey;
  16. Preparing to take over the US health industry;
  17. Preparing to eliminate private health insurance companies;
  18. Preparing to take posession of a large auto company;
  19. Preparing to exercise the diplomatic option in regard to Iran’s nuclear bomb building program – after 30 years of negotiations the diplomats need Obama and His teleprompter to set it right;
  20. Preparing to sign (when passed) Cap n’ Trade to drastically reduce the US GNP, throw hundreds of thousands out of work, raise energy costs by thousands of dollars for every US family, bankrupt the coal industry, and shutter coal-fired power plants – thereby Saving The Planet;
  21. Preparing ‘share’ sensitive nuclear power generation technology with the United Arab Emirates to meet their increased electrical power demands;
  22. Convinced the Public that everything bad is the previous President’s fault;
  23. Convinced the Public that despite the pending loss of the US’s AAA bond rating, 10% unemployment, and deserted malls that the ecomnomy was in worse shape under the previous President;
  24. Took the US Census into the White House and placed his ‘former friends’ in ACORN in charge of the tallies;
  25. Spends quater million dollars on unannounced low level over-flight of NYC;
    • Under pressure, releases only one photo taken during over-flight;
  26. Admits "Americans have Muslims in their families or have lived in a Muslim majority country. I know, because I am one of them." – President Obama: Address to the Turkish Parliament, April 6, 2009;
  27. Declares America is broke;
    • Spends a conservative quater milllion dollars on a date night with wife to NYC.
  28. Took over the US Tabacco Industry.
  29. White House demands private ‘Obama only’ bathroom before school speech in Wisconsin.
  30. Prepares to bulldoze 50 US cities: Most are former industrial cities in the “rust belt” of America’s Mid-West and North East. They include Detroit, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Baltimore and Memphis.
  31. Quietly orders war-zone troops to read rights to captured jihadists.
  32. Introduces new Rules of Engagement for US Combat troops: Do not fire on buildings, even when pinned down by hostiles in the building; no artillery or air support for troops under fire from civilian areas: results in 400% increase in US combat deaths in Afghanistan.
  33. Prepares to kill manned space exploration, prefers return to 7th Century.
  34. Historic merger announced between White House TV and ABC News; no opposing view points permitted.

So let’s look at this again: Obama and the Democrats now owns (or shortly will) and controls US banks, US insurance, US auto manufacturing, wall street, the health and health insurance industries, and three US states. And He’s only been in office for 5 months!

Wow! He definitely is bringing the much hoped for change He campaigned on. And all the state run media swear it is true! It’s all happen so fast I can hardly keep up with His miraculous accomplishments on this page.

Can you imagine what He will accomplish in the next 5 months? Well, yes I suppose he will buy a few more states – preferably those with large electoral counts. It is only North Korea (which used to be a State Sponsor of Terror) holding out against the force of Obama.

Personally, I cannot understand all this talk from Republicans and Conservatives about taking back Congressional seats in 2010 or the even more bizarre claim of taking the White House in 2012. The State run media, which just everyone breathlessly reads or watches, will demolish any right-wing nut jobs who dare to oppose the Democrats. I mean like who wants another Bush, Cheney, and all their corruption, lies, and collusion with Big Oil, Wall Street, and so on? There is no way they could match all the free stuff the Dems are handing out.

Exit question: how long can the shrimp (and his shrimpier sucessor Kim Jong Un, aka “Commander Kim”) from NK hold out?

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