The US Constitutional Convention of 2009

I Attend the new Constitutional Convention of 2009


Well, here we are. It was a struggle just getting tickets to attend. Getting in, however, was easier than supposed. Being a master of disguise, I succeeded in entering the building unchallenged – disguised as an ordinary downtrodden victim from a below-the-poverty-line neighborhood inner-city online newspaper. There are quite a few of us here in the gallery.

A Crowd Shot Outside the Convention.

We are the People. We call out our Demands. The Wise Men on the floor listen and nod in agreement. They take our Consensus and debate the finer points. They turn those Points into potential Articles and Sections of the new U.S. Constitution they are charged with authoring.

The View of the Convention Floor.

Some Background – Things That Simmered Under The Surface.


The recent financial crisis in the U.S. was caused by many factors – some of which were bantered about in the media from moment to moment, but left largely undeveloped. One of the most egregious was Congressional overspending. While revenues to the government were high from tax cuts and other incentives, the Congress decided to not only spend every penny of this new revenue, but to spend even more on pet projects, boondoggles, and pork.

There was also a war to finance. The military, being what it is, needs lots of cash to not only pay its soldiers, but also to replace destroyed equipment. It needs still more money to help the civilians in the countries effected to rebuild their destroyed infrastructure. This factor alone was capable of soaking up much of the new revenue coming into the federal government.

Social Entitlements:

Back when the federal government decided it had the responsibility to provide assistance to elderly citizens in need, no provisions were made for the long term. Rather, this responsibility was looked on as a short term temporary measure. Trouble is that once a federal program begins, it never stops growing. Later, the program was extended in various forms to cover ordinary citizens in need. Ever more money was needed – as the population expanded and lived longer, the amounts needed began to grow exponentially, then logarithmically.

The vast amounts of money needed had to come from the only place the Wise Men in power believed they could get it: from higher taxation of the citizens. Those Wise Men realized that the more onerous the tax burden on citizens became, the more power they had to make this-and-that promise to ‘fix things’. The more grand and extravagant the promise, the more likely they would be re-elected. And the more wealthy the successful Wise Men became.

The Tax System:

As citizens began to complain about their increasing burdens, the Wise Man began to exempt more and more of them, until nearly half paid little or no taxes. The Wise Men fixed this vexing problem by placing more of the burden on evil corporations and the moderately wealthy. The corporations responded by passing the increased burden back to the citizens as higher prices, and the moderately wealthy cut back on investments in new businesses and large projects. The super-wealthy cared not at all beyond the size of their trust funds.


America, in those times, was the only known nation to ever deliberately mis-educate its citizens for political purposes. In fact, in some cities it was possible for a child to leave school knowing no more or even less than when they entered. The Wise Men had realized that an educated populace was less likely to believe their extravagant promises, and the only way to overcome this unfortunate problem was to take over the educational process and rewrite the text books.

Our Wise Men knew it was unnecessary for their purposes to have citizens able to read, write, speak and read English, or know correct spelling and grammar. Citizens only had to push a button, click a mouse on some digital device and receive the answer they needed for most situations. Other Wise Men would see to it that the citizenry got the politically correct answers.

Estates or Classes:

Together with the vast amounts of money placed in circulation, the tax and monetary systems effectively created three classes.

  • The First Estate: consisting of the super-wealthy – who had tax loop holes and paid little or no taxes, the Wise Men – who made the laws, and the large corporations – as long as they made large campaign contributions to the Wise Men;
  • The Second Estate: consisting of the moderately wealthy, and small corporations – who would not or did not make large enough campaign contributions, paid most of the tax and;
  • The Third Estate: consisting of ordinary citizens – who had the least wealth, but the highest financial burden – paying only a small share of the overall taxes, and the People – the downtrodden who paid no tax at all, but were the most numerous.

Things Come to a Head.

Before our Wise Men, under the leadership of the Anointed One, assumed near total control of the government last year, the reviled and completely evil men who preceded them printed vast sums of money for their staunchest supporters: Big Banks, Big Lenders, and Investment Firms. Because there was no accounting for what these entities used the money for, much of it simply disappeared, more went toward extremely large bonuses for corporate CEOs and other Board members, and some went to buy up other firms.

Virtually none of the money went to citizens of very low income who, encouraged by the Wise Men, had bought very expensive houses and were in trouble when their unemployment and or welfare checks stopped coming in, forcing them to default. About half of those who did receive refinancing still refused to pay their loans. When these poor disadvantaged downtrodden citizenry defaulted en-mass, the whole system came tumbling down – much like Humpty Dumpty and no one could put him or them back together again.

Humpty Dumpty Before His Fall.
The After Shot is Too Gross to Show Here.

Worse still, in the eyes of the People, was the refusal to extend any money to help the auto unions maintain their pay rates and perks. The car companies had failed to adequately plan for the future, neglecting to build the cars the People wanted, not understanding that the Wise Men knew more about autos then they did. This oversight was rectified after the Wise Men assumed control of the auto companies, much to the chagrin of the highly paid auto executives.

Thereafter, the auto companies began to build the very small environmentally friendly low carbon emission electrically powered vehicles we enjoy today. Sure, they are very expensive and not to many can afford them yet. True, the electricity is in scarce supply from the wind farms. Some whiners complain about the low power heaters in the winter, others decry the slow assent on steep hills, and the most abject whiners bemoan having to stop so frequently at government recharging stations while ascending mountain passes.

However, the Wise Men promise that they will give citizens and the People tax credits toward the purchase of one of these vehicle. They promise to work harder on a method of transmitting power without those ugly intrusive environmentally unfriendly transmission towers. Meanwhile, more people walking and riding bikes has helped to reduce obesity and lower individual carbon footprints more in accordance with recent laws.

Shortly before our Wise Men assumed control, a scandal began to brew around the new leadership to be. However, before much could be concluded about the leadership’s involvement, the person at the center slipped and fell while exiting his bathtub in his plush Chicago home. He was pronounced dead a few hours later. No autopsy was conducted at the request of his family. The whole matter shortly subsided as the media moved on to more pressing issues.

It quickly became apparent to the media during the early winter of ’09 that manmade climate change was at the root of the terrible cold weather we experienced. Leading the way, California and New Jersey passed the nation’s most stringent carbon emission laws to date. Corporations residing in those states were forced to comply, but the huge associated financial costs either forced them to close their doors or relocate to another more business friendly state. Some corporations ultimately left the country, moving to nearby Mexico or to the far away land of China.

Outraged citizens, seeing these huge corporate carbon emitters with there tens of thousands of high paid jobs moving into their state, raised a cry to the Wise Men to ‘do something’. Responding to the cries of the down trodden citizenry the Wise Men used the California model and applied it to the nation. They called this the Cap and Trade Bill wherein carbon emissions were set at a fixed level – as determined by the Wise Men.

Shortly thereafter, in early Fall, the dollar collapsed and paper money lost its value.

The Next Big Thing.

While others were focused on all these weighty matters, the PIF was looking at the next Big Thing – from Utah’s Daily Herald report Ohio’s Call For Constitutional Convention.

H.J.R. 8 text:

The resolution proposes to apply to the Congress of the United States to call a constitutional convention pursuant to Article V of the United States Constitution for proposing amendments. This resolution has no direct fiscal impact to the state or local governments.

Little noticed or largely ignored by the media was the interesting tidbit that 32 states have, for various and sundry reasons, called for a Constitutional Convention. “Umm, so what?” most would reply. (See education above for the origin of that response). Ask any ordinary citizen – who are followers of the Wise Men – what is the guiding law of the land, few could name the Constitution, but all would claim to have read it at some point. None however, would be able to cite more than one or two of the Amendments, but all would defer to the Bill of Rights, not knowing that the Amendments and the Bill of Rights are one and the same.

Beyond that limited knowledge, the citizens in the Land of the Wise would not know that Congress is required – upon receiving requests from 34 states – to convene a Constitutional Convention. And learning that little known fact, those citizens would immediately have visions of colorful elaborate balloon drops, endless media talking heads, and the loss of their favorite TV shows for the duration – but reassuringly know that Convention coverage would be dropped if a sporting event fell during that period.

The Trip Begins.

Squirreling away pre-1981 pennies and pre-1964 dimes and quarters, I began to accumulate real wealth in copper and silver which could be used to purchase a fare to the location of the new Constitutional Convention. With the hyper-inflation we had during the early spring and summer, this tactic proved prudent when paper money ceased to be of any value. One of the last purchases I made with paper money was a state-of-the-art digital camera… well, maybe a tad on the cheap side, I admit. but as you see I have recorded the images here for posterity.

Soon after Ohio became the 33rd state to call for the Convention, the District of Columbia was admitted as a state – by the popular demand of the People from the Land of the Wise – and promptly became the 34th state to make the call. Congress followed the law and called the Convention. One of the first acts of the Convention was to nullify the previous Constitution in its entirety (As I predicted earlier). With the rag written by dirty old slave owners from the 18th Century out of the way, the Convention began in earnest led by the Wise Men, the ACLU, People for the American Way, CAIR, NOW, NAMBLA, and other groups with the words ‘people’, ‘socialist’ or ‘progressive’ – as well as various acronyms – in their titles

There was quite a debate about what to do with those individuals which citizens saw as standing in the way; this was pretty much everyone not judged to be in the Third Estate. Some were in favor of locking them up for life. Others pointed out that there was no money available to feed and house them, and they would either freeze to death in the winter or starve. Still others said the carbon footprint necessary to isolate these people was unacceptable. Eventually, most recognized the necessity for some form of death penalty. After much wrangling about humane killing, painless executions, carbon footprints, use of scarce resources, and expedient methods, they finally settled on the method below.

Needless to say things were very busy outside the Convention Hall.

Here are some scences from nearby cities:

A Glimpse of Things to Come.

I was able due to my extremely downtrodden appearance to gain a short admittance to the inner sanctum of the Wise Men as they debated some of those finer points. Here’s what I snapped:

While we patiently wait for the Wise men to finalize our new Constitution, I was able to smuggle out this partial list of the most popular Articles for inclusion:

Article 1

Section 1

Any woman desiring an abortion for any reason shall be permitted said procedure in all circumstances.

Section 2

Any two persons or groups of persons desiring to marry shall be permitted said procedure in all circumstances. This section shall not be construed as to limiting partners solely to the species human.

Article 3

Section 1

No person at any time shall be permitted the ownership, use, or training with firearms of any description or appearance. Exceptions shall be granted to those individuals serving as community police, to members of the military, to individuals in approved private security firms, and to government approved civilian national security corps or forces.

Article 4

Section 1

Any person or group desiring to end life shall be permitted at approved facilities. Waivers may be granted to individuals or groups wishing to stop under private conditions only under circumstances when health does not allow transfer to an official euthanasia facility.

Article 5

Section 1
Judicial Guidelines

Judges upon accepting a case are required to form an emotional attachment to the case at hand. Sentences imposed on those found guilty of the charged offense shall be sentenced in accordance with the judge’s feelings of grief, remorse and or whatever seems fair to the judge at the moment of sentencing. No prior legal finding shall contravene the outcome of the sentencing.

Article 7

Section 1
Political Parties

The party of the Wise Men is the only officially recognized political party. Other groups calling themselves political parties are permitted, but no member of said party may hold any political office.

Article 9

Section 1

There shall be no officially recognized religion or creed. Religious displays are deemed offensive and lead to disputes, disturbing the civil peace. Religious activities and prayer houses are permitted as long as they are peaceful and not disruptive. Religions of peace are welcome and needful. Religions of hate and dissension are deemed wrong and are proscribed herewith. Citizens are urged to submit to the religions of peace.

Clause 1

Hate speech shall be deemed wrong and punishable. Religions promulgating hate-filled speech toward any group or groups, individuals or individual practices are proscribed and punishable.

Clause 2

It is permissible for religions of peace to set up, maintain, and administer separate community judicial counsels. These local courts may administer laws in accordance to the tenants of the religion to its members, as well as those who not being members bring criticism, derision, or other offensive actions and speech directed toward the religious community and or its members.

Article 10

Section 1

All corporations and businesses – whether privately or publicly held – shall have each component unionized. Privileges, dues, and other fees shall be set by each union and charged to its members.

Article 20

Section 1
Recognized Treaties

No Article in this document shall be construed as superseding any Recognized Treaty. Parties to Recognized Treaties may set their own laws rules and regulations, including the right to tax individual members as well as others not under their immediate jurisdiction but on recognized Treaty lands.

Clause 1

All Articles granted in this document are granted as Rights to Recognized Treaty Tribes. No article herein shall be at any time granted as a Right to citizens who are not members of a Recognized Treaty Tribes, but as privileges which can at any time for any reason be revoked.


They’re Coming to Visit You Soon!


PS: Bet you think this post is some sort of joke or satire – well some of it – but the approaching Constitutional Convention and the things that it can do are REAL!

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20 Responses to The US Constitutional Convention of 2009

  1. HAZMAT says:

    We need a convention held but not for those reasons. Please eloborate more on the actual contents and their intentions. States are passing bills recognizing the 10th ammendment and not just for kicks. Address the NWO aspect of their intentions we need more more more. I used to think this kind of talk was crazy but now?? things ya can hear about seem less loopey and realy fit in place. I think we are in serious trouble

  2. PIF31 says:

    Hey Hazmat!
    This is a satire – relax. Nothing is real, it’s all an illusion. NWO = Non Working Organizations?

    Yes we are in serious trouble as I try to point out in a somewhat non-threatening manner the nature of that threat :)

    When the States signed on to the Constitution way back when, they automatically agreed to all the Articles and Amendments. Bills passed now recognizing one Amendment or another mean nothing.

    And no we do not need a Constitutional Convention for any reason what so ever – unless one wishes to see something like what I satirically proposed become a reality. The point is once you open that door, there is no limit to what could be in the next constitution.

  3. Tyler says:

    I’d like to see a constitutional convention if only to restore state’s rights. I like your satire, but I have more faith in humanity than simply bickering over abortion rights, marriage, and separating civilians from firearms. I would hope that a board consisting of civilian scholars on social issues, constitutional law, and historical precedent would oversee the convention. The constitution was a fine tool in the day it was written. Contemporary society has outgrown it.

    • PIF31 says:

      Dear Tyler,
      I see you put your faith in the very wise men I deride. Interesting. So let me ask you:

      You are saying that “Contemporary society” has outgrown freedom? That it is time to open the door to every leftist-wacko-environmentalist-nutty idea on how to run our lives? That yours and others hopes for who would run such a thing are adequate safeguards?

      By the way, those wise men aka scholars you think should oversee it are, almost to a person, socialists. Don’t you understand that all these so-called modern ideas are not new? Those ideas have been around for centuries – and were discarded for good reason.

      By the time your wise men got done with the new constitution would resemble something like the current Russian constitution – for surely they would allow for immediate revision as necessary. And laws would be made and flow from your wise men, not G_d.

      And America would become just another failed socialist state, in a sea of failed states, surrounded by an ocean of mediocrity, headed for the third-world shoals where freedom, dreams, and innovation go to die.

      The only problem with the Constitution is that “Contemporary society” has forgotten history.

      PS: I’d add – if you’d like to see States Rights restored, stop voting for socialists (in either party), stop praising wise men, and do elect strict constructionist judges locally. An ounce of common sense beats a pound of learning any day.

  4. Tyler says:

    If “wise men” are educated men, and they are not to be praised, who is? As surely as knowledge contributed to the initial architecture of the Constitution, it can be used to amend parts of it to account for the issues, technology, and potential of the country in which we live today.

    • PIF31 says:

      Dear Tyler,
      I see one can lead a horse to water, but making it drink, seems another matter altogether.

      The Constitution is manifestly not about technology. The issues and potential you speak of have not changed since it was written. What has changed is public morality. And that is the problem. “Taste cannot be controlled by law.” – Thomas Jefferson. I believe he also said something to the effect that: The Constitution was written for a moral public and does not address issues of immorality.

      Knowledge used in writing the Constitution was not the sort you are thinking about. Since you have evidently never lived under a tyrant or in a tyrannical country, trying to explain the absence of freedom is difficult, but you will know it when you find it. And believe me, it won’t be the Hope and Change you were looking for.

      If you believe that laws flow from men and not G_d, or are an atheist, then, perhaps you would feel more comfortable amongst your fellows in Russia, North Korea, or China. Or, if you prefer a more tropical climate, Cuba and Venezuela.

      On the other hand, if you do believe in G_d, but also believe G_d’s laws are old fashioned and you can do whatever you want, then, I’d suggest a move to Europe would be in order.

      To amend the Constitution, there is no need to call a Convention. See Article V of the Constitution.

      A Convention serves a very different purpose then an Amendment passed by 2/3rds of the States. A Convention is called to change the fundamental structure of the document and, as such, leaves the door open for anything – as I have labored to point out to you.

      The Wise Men of today are not to be honored, but shunned, rather honor the common man and his common sense. To do otherwise is to invite someone else to order your life and steal both your freedom and liberty for his own ends. And you will be the poorer.

      PS: Those images from the French Revolution were neither an accident, nor to make a pretty post.

  5. Jody says:

    Why would any one want to even entertain the thought of opening this Pandoar’s Box?

  6. You misapprehend Article V. The convention which Congress is required to call at the petition of 2/3 of the states is a convention for proposing amendments to the US Constituiton. A convention cannot scrap the Constituition. It cannot even propose to write a new constitution. It can ony propose amendments, one at a time.

    And — this important fact you have not mentioned — no amendment whether proposed by the Congress or by a convention, can become part of the Constitution without ratification by 3/4 — that’s three fourths, not two thirds — of the fifty states. Ratification is by state legislatures or state ratifying conventions as the Congress must determine.

    So, rather than being a threat to our freedom, or to the integrity of our constituton, an Article V convention is a cumbersome, difficult, careful but necessary way to get amendments which Congress, because of self interest, refuses to consider or propose. Congressional terms limits, for example.

    Please visit There you will find patriots setting aside both left and right political views to urge Congress to call a convention. There you will see that 750 state petitions — more than one from every state in the union — have been filed in and ignored by our U.S. Congress.

    • PIF31 says:

      The convention which Congress is required to call at the petition of 2/3 of the states is a convention for proposing amendments to the US Constituiton. A convention cannot scrap the Constituition. It cannot even propose to write a new constitution. It can ony propose amendments, one at a time.

      Other scholars have argued that a Convention can scrap the Constitution and substitute a different one. Regardless – our present Constitution needs to be upheld as written, not rewritten or ammended.

      There you will see that 750 state petitions — more than one from every state in the union — have been filed in and ignored by our U.S. Congress.

      Ignored and rightly so. Besides Hussein & Co, do not need no stinking Constitutional Convention to remake the US into a third world country in their image over which they rule.

  7. Jim Judge says:

    A Constitutional Convention scares the …. out of me! What is going on in OUR government scares the …. out of me! If WE THE CITIZENS of this country don’t wake up NOW and take back OUR COUNTRY, WE THE CITIZENS WILL LOOSE EVERYTHING. WE have lost too much already. WE need to STAND UP and UNITE TOGETHER and tell the PEOPLE IN GOVERNMENT that THEY WORK FOR US and OUR COUNRTY WILL BE GOVERNED BY THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES and THE BILL OF RIGHTS as they are NOW!!! If you are one who thinks otherwise, you really have no idea what, as Jody said, “Pandoara’s Box” the PEOPLE IN GOVERNMENT will open up. I, personally, would rather error on the side of SAVING MY COUNTRY, MY LIFE!!!!!

    • PIF31 says:

      Dear Rufus,
      According to one commenter, a Convention is nothing to worry about, just go back to sleep.

      Meanwhile, and personally, I favor using the Constitution as written long ago. So I’m on your side – as are most of the American people.

  8. Jim Judge says:

    Just going back to sleep and not worring is what got us in the mess we’ve got NOW!!!

  9. Pingback: PIF’s Alternate History Series | The Politically Incorrect Fish

  10. Louis P says:

    From my cold dead hands(he shouts with his rifle held high) And if you don’t believe that come on down to my home and try it. I will die rather than give up my guns.

  11. Elizabeth San Miguel says:

    A Constitutional Convention could be useful if our entire government was not corrupt. But, since it is, we can only assume that they would take the opportunity we provide for the People’s benefit and use it for their own agenda. NO, we cannot have a constitutional convention at this juncture. All it would do is accelerate the demise of this country which is already in grave danger. Having said that, I am at a total loss as to how to effect change here and now. I don’t even know if voting in good people in November will help much,we are such a slippery slope to disaster. When I think of how much damage this administration and the current government can do before they can be voted out, I shudder. It will take a miracle to recover from this.

    • fish36 says:

      That was the point of the piece… we’re screwed… stupid people who see only flash not substance voted for these clowns… until the pubic changes you are correct.

  12. Gordon Johnson says:

    Hopefully, we the people, at the polls – can and will remove career politicians through the YOU’RE IN – YOU”RE OUT process. And, again we the people will elect men of integrety, honesty and common sense. Their main charge will be to clean-up government, financially and spiritually. Should these things fail to rapidly materialize, then I regret to say that the call for a Constitutional Convention is in order.
    As we would have no control over the agenda of the Convention, it is quite possible that the satirical Convention of 2009 could become reality. – respectfully submitted – granpa gordo

    • fish36 says:

      Dear Gordo,
      If the next set of clowns (which get elected) fail to live up to expectations, calling a Constitutional Convention makes no sense. The is no way that such a body could force or create some change to meet the goals not met previously. This current situation must reach bottom and the public has to learn to pay attention to boring politics — if they do not then the country has not reached bottom… as for civil remedies … I’m thinking that the only solution will be some fashion of a Second Civil War — like the First.

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